The 20-Something Crisis

32 comments

I'm sure that any twenty-something who reads this title will instantly understand what it is that I'm talking about and may even feel a wash of relief at the fact that they are not alone. We hear so much about the midlife crisis and the stage of uncertainty between high school and university, so we are prepared for these and feel lost yet still very normal - but why does no one talk about the twenty-something crisis at length? Before I saw a couple of posts like this popping up across the blogging community, I was feeling quite alone with what I was dealing with until I realised that almost everyone else in my age bracket was going through something very similar.

This panic is different for everyone and can be triggered by a multitude of things. For me it is being stuck in the awkward middle ground of studying and therefore not having a full-time "proper" job, yet wanting to move out and be independent. It is also a weird feeling relating to my degree which is finishing up over the next year or two meaning I will be a fully fledged adult working on my career - which is a really scary thought. Lastly, it's a bit of melancholy surrounding the fact that ageing is actually a thing. It's true what they say about teenagers thinking they are invincible, because I have never found myself thinking about my own mortality as much as I have since realising that my life is actually moving in a forwards direction.

It is hard not to feel alone when no one else in your personal life is speaking up about this, but it is important to keep in mind that most of us are feeling the same things. I know a lot of people who miss high school incredibly and would give anything to go back, and while I don't feel that way, there are a lot of things in that realm that I want to hold onto yet seem to be slipping away at a rapid pace. When I finish studying it will be a relief in way, but is also the end of a very big part of my life. You know, one that I've been engaging in as far back as my memory goes.

I was really happy when I started watching the show 'GIRLS' and it deals with this topic perfectly. I would definitely recommend it to anyone feeling a little lost in their twenties. Lifestyles being funded by parents, careers not going as planned and people with degrees working as waitresses. It combines a whole lot of scary truths about life after university, but also portrays them in a funny way that makes you feel like they are common - which they are.

I would love to know if you are going through this and what exactly in your life is making you feel this way.
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32 comments:

  1. I definitely can relate. It comes and goes in terms of the feelings of panic and crisis. I feel the main problem is that our lives are lived from birth to graduating from uni to fulfill society's/our parents' expectations of us. Nobody has any idea what they want to do, especially in terms of a viable job, or who they even are as people. It's a fog of figuring it out and navigating the uncertain, scary world out there and taking the first steps towards independence. A lot of young people have been groomed for success and cannot stomach the idea of failure, and end up not trying for much, or being afraid to venture outside their comfort zone or break the mould. Our qualifications/education can end up being stifling and something that boxes us into places we don't necessarily fit into or even want to be in, merely because we're told that's the path of a respectable/'successful' life. So many people just accept the reality of working some tedious, unengaging, boring and stressful office job and live for their annual holiday or weekend. (And yes, I'm one of those people.) I feel like I'm stuck between wanting to really break free from that routine and mindset, and then feeling inadequate and questioning myself for not going further into the corporate world and taking on more responsibility/'developing' because of my ambivalence about what I want and what success means to me. It's tough, and maybe it never really gets all that much easier. Or maybe it needs to get worse before it gets better. I guess everyone goes through largely the same thoughts and it's up to the individual to be happy within themselves and attain clarity about what gives them a feeling of being on the right path for them.

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  2. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and personal story.


    I never really connected these feelings with a fear of failure, but you are right and that is exactly what it is. The "job" sometimes seems like the end of the line and when troubles will fade away as you'll be able to afford a proper lifestyle including a home, car etc so it's definitely scary but also good in a sense to see someone who is having these feelings when they have a job.


    While I want to tell you to follow your heart and do what you want to do, it's always so much easier said than done. So what I will say is that I hope you find peace and happiness in whatever decisions you make in the future. I definitely think things do get worse before they get better in a lot of these situations, but if they don't seem to be getting better after giving it a fair chance, change is definitely necessary. x

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  3. Even though I am only 18, i can completely relate to everything in this post. I personally feel like throughout our entire lives we have always had a plan, so to speak or some sort of guidance we are supposed to follow, such as school, then college then university. Finding a career, moving out and all the rest that comes with growing up and becoming independent can be such a tough time and I'm sure it is something we all deal with despite often feeling lost and alone.
    With that being said, I'm glad you've addressed the issue. All the best X

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  4. I am 21 and totally relate to everything! I graduated last year and now I want to find my perfect job, but it doesn't seem to be available or something. So horrible because my friends all seem to have their lives all figured out.
    I just keep hoping it will be okay soon.

    WritingMonique

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  5. There are so many stories about how hard finding a grad job can be, so just keep at it and something will come up - you are definitely not alone! x

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  6. I think in my head I thought I would be moved out by now and would have a really great job and be able to support myself alongside study. Realistically it was never going to happen, but it's still hard not being at the place in life you imagined for yourself. x

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  7. I've just turned 20, and is currently studying to become a makeup artist. I've always known what I wanted to do after school, become a hairdresser, then a makeupartist. I've got it all planned out. But this is as far as my plan goes. I have no idea what I'll do next year, and it terrefies me, because I've never really felt like that before. I'm worried that it won't work out the way I want it to, but I guess only time will tell.
    Thanks for sharing btw, I think it's so important to make people awear of this and let them know it's totally normal!

    WWW.THEFASHIONINSIGHT.COM / OUTFIT OF THE DAY - WHITE LAYERING

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  8. I've been feeling a little like this ever since I turned 25, but oddly I'm also really comfortable with being 25. I don't even know what I'm feeling haha! xx

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  9. The whole thing really is just overall confusing! x

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  10. I'm the same, life has been pretty mapped out for me up until I graduate from uni too. I mean, I know what to do next, but nothing is guaranteed which is scary.



    Thank you for sharing your story! x

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  11. Great post! I do relate with this Lol!

    http://sbr-fashion-fashion.blogspot.com/

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  12. first, I love your blog - it's super cute.


    about your post, i've totally been where you are feeling. it's like a weird feeling to go to school, pick one thing u want to study, and have that be your main and only career goal in life. personally, it was so hard for me to be certain what i'm "destined to do." honestly, i was lost for a while but after a lot of trial and error and trying different jobs, you eventually find what you like and don't like in your career, and you start molding your own path. As long as you keep trying different things and aren't scared to fail, you will be just fine. It's the scariest transition after you graduate college because you're like...what now? All I can say is don't be afraid to try tons of diff jobs in your early 20's so by the time you're 30, you will surely know what you want to do. Everyone's paths are unique - you just can't compare or it'll drive you crazy. Hope this helps girl :)


    http://www.tiffanyxoxo.com

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  13. Love this post! I can definitely relate. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo but with no idea what I'm going to do about it, but I guess that's life! I will make sure to check out girls :)

    Carrie xx

    carriebrighton
    Autumn & Lovely

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  14. I believe everyone who are near 30 will relate with the story.
    Our generation share a great deal of responsability. Its a cultural thing that the world is ours to be taken, so if we didnt "take it", its our mistake, our failure. And "to take it" consumes an endless amount of energy, time and effort, and its a neverending and never-reaching goal.

    We also believe that we are special. All of us believe in it. And we believe that because we are special, the world will be easier for us. That theres a special place just waiting for us.

    Those two things will result in only one possibility: Frustration.
    While we believe in all of that, we will assume an identity that is not our real self. We are students and that became our identity (maybe because of the effort required), we start a career, and our career become our identity. We start a relationship and then that become our identity. And when any of those things end (we lost a job / lost the motivation to continue in that particular career / we finnish our study / the relationship ends), we also lost who we fought we were.

    So that crises may be a good thing, to find ourselfs again. To become more engaged with things that we really love and can relate to. We then understand that a job is just a job (something we do to pay the bills). That we dont have to be with anybody else, and only then we will be good with someone.

    Wow, I wrote more than i intented to, sorry for that!

    xx,
    Helô, from Vestido do dia

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  15. I relate to this post quite well. I don't necessarily feel stuck in what I'm doing, but I do feel like I am quite far behind some of my friends. It all seems to have happened so quickly for them!
    thelensaffair.com

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  16. Definitely! It's so hard to remember that everyone has different places they want to be so it will take different amounts of time. x

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  17. I hope it's not a permanent feeling! Things will definitely work themselves out. x

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  18. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! It's really great to hear from someone who has been through this and has come out the other end feeling much more certain. I definitely need to take more risks and not be so scared to fail. x

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  19. Very nice photos and they are very creativ !!! i like it so much !!!


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  20. As someone who's no longer in their twenties, remember to enjoy this time! This is the time when you can pursue your dreams, travel and figure out where and who you want to be! I know it's easy to want to say and study but creating your own path and independents is really amazing.

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  21. It's not all stress and work for me by any means, but thank you for your thoughts! I just wanted to put my concerns and ideas out there and speak about something I know a lot of 20 year olds go through. x

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  22. I recently turned 21 and I can relate to this perfectly. When I was a teenager, I expected these 20-something years to be pretty different than they are now, to be honest. And the though about growing up scares me a lot, because I still feel like a child most of the time, but I'm expected to be a grown up already.


    www.meetmeonthebalcony.com

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  23. These are really valid points and things I had never considered before. I agree a lot with the view that everyone thinks they are special or the exception to the rule - which is a nice idea, but one should always remember they aren't entitled to anything. x

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  24. This is a perfect summary of my rambling! x

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  25. Thank you so much for this comment. You really eloquently summed up the thoughts I am constantly mulling over in my head. Even when I'm feeling sooo lost and confused, its encouraging to know there are others going through the same exact thing.

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  26. I'm glad that my comment helped in any small way, or at least made you feel less alone in what you're dealing with. I know that your comment has done exactly that for me :)

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  27. Thank you, and I agree - change is something that's scary but sometimes completely vital. Without it, we stagnate and our spirits are chipped away slowly. I think the most important thing about a job is finding something that interests you and that will orient you on the path that you want to be on, rather than being concerned about employment in a general sense and applying for/accepting the first job that seems passable for the sake of not being unemployed. I know a problem with me is that I fell for the trap of accepting whatever came first, and even though I do not enjoy what I do, I feel that it's familiar and comfortable enough that I don't have that impetus to seek out something new and better, though I absolutely, really should. So that first step is vital, in my experience, unless you're someone that isn't afraid to move and is naturally motivated to change a less-than-ideal situation.

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  28. I am currently in mid 20s now and I agreed with everything you said. I feel like deer caught in the headlights every other day.

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  29. I'm so happy you decided to write about this, because it is so true! I'm halfway through my degree, and have absolutely no idea what I really want to do or how I will get to the point where I know what I want to do. It kinda feels like I'm stuck. People always tell me I should be happy and thankful for all the opportunities I have, but how can I do that when I don't know what to do? Haha, I'm just glad I'm not the only one who feels this way judging by the comments on this too! :)

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  30. I think it's such an important topic and needs to be addressed more! It seems that everyone goes through it, yet not a lot of people are talking about it and therefore they feel as if they are alone. x

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